A journey of survival

2009-02-16T11:57:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure if anyone comes back to this blog anymore but I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately and just wanted to come and post this one final message. Then most likely in a few weeks I will probably remove this blog. Why remove it? Because I am about to vent...I started this blog with my mom and I'm hurt, sad and this is probably the first time in my life I have ever said anything like this outloud, let alone in a public place where anyone could see it. It might even make some of you mad at me. But she was my mom and I need to say some things...even if they are just random ramblings and my first attempt at trying to "deal with it."

It's been over 2 months since she passed away and for me personally, I don't think I handle death very well. Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier...well I'm still waiting for the easy. Yes, I still live my life. Yes, I still laugh and play with my kids. Yes, I still love everyone I love. Yes, I go to work every day. Life does go on. But every day, I wake up thinking about her and quickly "change the subject" in my head. If I think about her, I get all weepy and for anyone who knows me, I NEVER cry. The only day I have ever cried in probably years, was the day she died. I didn't cry before, and I haven't cried since.

Everyone thinks I am handling things just fine. My boyfriend Josh...he has caught on to me and has me figured out. And he pointed it out to me the other day. I'm really not handling things just fine. In fact, I'm not handling them at all. That's why I can appear to be fine. Like I said...in my head, I "change the subject". It keeps me sane. Keeps me straight. Keeps me in check and in line with what I need to do from day to day. It's just the way I am. And I'm so tired of hearing people tell me they are worried about me because I haven't expressed emotion about it all. Everyone deals with death in their own way. And maybe my way isn't the very best way for everyone, but for me, it works. For anyone who was there on that last day and saw my mom you have to understand what seeing her like that has done to me. I still wake up from nightmares about that day. If you were there, you understand why.

Why when someone dies does everyone put on a fake personality and tell everyone that I should be happy that she is in a better place. Or that she would have wanted it this way. Or God has a purpose for her. Or that she isn't suffering anymore. These are all the niceties that people say to someone who has had someone die that they were close to. And I'm sure when they are said, maybe they are sincere and they do mean them. But to the person you are saying them to....What purpose? No suffering...of course not, she's gone!...no she wouldn't want to die if she wasn't sick. Nothing about what happened to her is fair. I realize that. But I'm not sure I can take one person who really didn't even know her very well tells me that I should look on the brightside of things. I am still looking for that brightside. I really don't think it exists.

I am sorry to all of my family that I have completely ignored for the past 2 months. Especially my dad. My dad knows I love him. He is my favorite person, 2nd only to my mom, in the whole world. He is always there to give me a great big bear hug when I need one. Or to tell me how proud he is of me. Or how pretty he thinks I am. Or to bail me out when I financially mess myself up because Im bad with money. But no, I haven't called him lately. I did in the beginning. But when I talk to him, all I can think about is my mom. Even my sister, I don't call. Why? My family reminds me...no...my family IS my mother. She held us all together. And without her Im very worried we will all fall apart. But even worse, I can't talk to anyone even on the phone because I know it will only begin a constant flow of crying because something they say will remind me of my mom. So again, I'm sorry to everyone in my family who I haven't returned phone calls to. I will one day call you I promise. I just can't do it right now. Im truly sorry, please understand.

I think on that note, I will wrap this up because it's just going to continue with more ramblings. I most likely will post this and immediately delete it once I regret it. Who knows. And if anyone is offended by this, I'm sorry for that too. Understand, I am just trying my hand at dealing with this and I'm trying to take my own feelings into consideration first. I do appeciate everyone in my life and in my moms.

2008-12-01T05:43:00.000-08:00

My mom kept up with this blog as often as she could. And when she couldn't she would call me and say "Hey Misty could you go update my blog for me?". I remember how crazy I thought she was that she couldn't figure out how to login to this thing. Still makes me smile to think about it.

As many of you are already aware my mother passed away on November 21st and I know if she could ask me to, the first thing she would ask was that I post something on her blog to let everyone know. She was always worried about what everyone else was doing, keeping them updated and making sure nobody was left out of the loop. Her whole family was there with her when she passed away and I know she would have loved that.

My mom was my best friend, my ground and the most beautiful person I have ever known. I am going to miss her and each day try to get through not being able to call her just to see how she is feeling or to tell her what a mess I was in that day. :)

If anyone would like to read about her life, who her family was, you can go to http://www.legacy.com/Charleston/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Notice&PersonID=120509792 and even leave comments to share with our family. I read them so please feel free.

Today marks the start of the Christmas season. It was my mom's favorite holiday. Even at her service, our minister talked about how her home was an open home to anyone around the holidays. Her Christmas parties were a huge hit and presents were stacked up waist high! She really loved the month of December and everyone knew it.

In honor of my mother, I will be holding a fundraiser to raise funds for the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer research organization for the whole month of December, her favorite time of year. I am contacting all of my friends, my mothers friends, my family and anyone else who would like to help get us a step closer to breast cancer and other cancer cures. On December 25th, because it was my moms favorite holiday I will make an online donation with all funds raised to the Susan G Komen Center under my mother's name in the total amount donated by anyone who wishes to help.

If you would like to contribute anything at all to this you can Paypal it using the button below.

Or if you are more comfortable you are welcome to go online and make a donation directly to Susan G Komen. Any donations sent directly to me I will be able to total up and share with you all how much we donated on Christmas day here on the blog and will be made under my moms name.

And as it is around the holidays, if you can't contribute to it, think about my mom in the spring time, and help when you can. And please pass this around to any friends or family who might want to help as well.

And if anyone else is involved in any breast cancer fundraisers, please send me emails when they are to misty@mistywoodward.com as I would like to be involved in them if I can.

2008-08-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been through a couple of cycles of chemo and I had a CAT scan last week. The good news is I'm still here. The scan showed that the lesions in my liver are still the same and haven't changed. The mass in my lungs had gotten smaller. The lymph node was half it's previous size. And the lesion in my brain had gotten smaller. I'm starting on a new cycle of chemo next week.

I got a call from the doctor and they want me to have a procedure with a cyber knife. I have to have an MRI and CAT scan this week because they want to do the procedure sometime next week and it's a 3 day process. What it actually does is pinpoint the lesion in my brain and they shoot concentrated radioactivity into the lesion from different angles.

I have a lot of shaking in my arms and sometimes in my legs and the doctors feels this will help with those problems.

I have no prognosis. My doctor's not into that. So I guess I'm here til God says otherwise.

The good news also is that I've lost 30 pounds and am looking pretty damn fine...if ya like bald women. LOL

I want to thank you all again for your prayers and support. I am keeping the faith in knowing that God will take care of me.

Hello Again...

2008-06-23T13:06:00.000-07:00

I know it’s been a long time, but I’ve been through a lot in the past 3 months and I wasn’t strong enough or ready to write in my blog. In fact, I’ll write a little at a time because there is so much I want to say. You may see postings from my sister Angela (my secretary today) and daughter Misty because they volunteered to help me put it down.

I’m not sure what Misty has posted about the times I’ve been in the hospital recently, but I’ll fill you in a bit. The first time was by ambulance. The chemo had attacked my body, taking my blood counts down so low they thought I might die. They don’t put you on morphine and every drug you can think of if they think you are going to live. They were just trying to make me comfortable. They DID make me very comfortable, so much so that I didn’t know where I was or who I was and my family was very concerned about me. At that time, I received two whole units of blood, platelets, potassium and a myriad of other things to keep me going.

I have to say that I am very grateful to my husband for having the doctors take me off the pain medication. After that, I started to become coherent but the pain remained. That’s when they discovered that my gall bladder needed to be removed and I had surgery for that. It was during this whole thing that I let some people down. I’m sorry, I’m human and well… shit happens. I can honestly say that I gave up on everything and all I wanted to do was to go to sleep and wake up and look at the face of Jesus. But God had other ideas and helped me crawl out of the deep dark hole I was in.

I finally went home and got ready for my next chemo. As soon as I got it, I was back in the hospital again. The chemo attacked my blood cells and there was nothing else they could do. It just seemed like one more thing to take away my faith and hope.

Through this all, it seems like I’ve lost my balance. That second time in the hospital, I managed to fall and break my wrist. Needless to say, I still have this ugly cast on my arm – but rumor has it that I’ll have this off in two weeks, which means that I’ve been blessed with this for seven weeks. So the last time I was released I was left with a walker and wheel chair to use around the house. I’ve been doing o.k. but have fallen twice and had three near misses – but I am getting stronger.

Through these two stays at the hospital, I had a phenomenal group of family and friends who were there to support me. They weren’t giving up on me and I couldn’t give up on them.

I just had my 2^nd chemo (in this latest round of chemo) last Thursday and will have another this coming Thursday. It does make me weak and I get sores in my mouth. I also fight fever and any other side effects that come along, but so far I can take it.

My sister Angela came in last Thursday and she has been taking such good care of me that I think I might keep her here. There are so many things I can’t do for myself and she’s like an angel of mercy who just swooped in. For example, last night she was up every half hour checking my temperature to make sure I was o.k.

Of course, you know we have our funny moments too. I was taking a shower this morning and well, you know you are naked when you take a shower. With that, the soap and my balance issue, it was like a giant slip and slide. I started to slip and my sister grabbed me and we both almost went down together! Luckily, she was able to catch us before I broke my other arm and she broke one of hers. Thank God for shower angels!

Well guys, I’m tired now and I still have some physical therapy to do. So until later – God bless you and I love you all.

Donna

Suzan and Donna and a little foot massage action going on.

Jim and Misty firing up the grill!

Angela and Donna

Hey Everyone…

Well now that you have that lovely word image of Donna and me taking shape in your head, I thought it’d be the perfect time to say hello. :) I am here until tomorrow and then have to fly back to Michigan.

I must say that we had some great sister time this week (outside the shower LOL). PJ parties - curling up on her king size bed, sipping merlot (don’t worry – I mean literally a sip for Donna), watching DVDs and talking about everything. We were able to have a barbeque with family and friends Sunday before the thunderstorms started and that was a blessing. I’ve also just enjoyed sitting in the Florida room watching her doze away with a content smile thanks to the crooning of Josh Grobin. Normally, I’d probably pass on his music, but I have to say that I have a new appreciation for it after seeing the smile on my sister’s face. We’ve gotten through some of the more difficult times and still find room for humor… like when she was in pain the other night and I asked her what she was going to do because Matthew McConaughey was on his way for a little “sumpin sumpin !” Her response was “Well then I’m in trouble…” - but she still managed that trademark Donna grin. She told me that people say she smiles with her eyes and that is absolutely true. She is beautiful.

In her blog she mentioned that she let people down. Because I was typing for her, it was very tempting to play editor because I can’t stand the thought of her thinking that. I know though that I can’t speak for her or anyone else, but I can say that she has not let me down. She is a fighter and she is a believer. That is all that matters to me.

Thanks to everyone for your support and outpouring of love and prayer for Donna. She definitely appreciates it. The whole family is grateful.

Angela

2008-03-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

This is misty....My mom is in the hospital and she wanted me to let you all know that she will update her blog when she gets back home tomorrow to let you all know whats going on.

~Misty

From Donna

2008-03-17T09:20:00.000-07:00

I had my second chemo treatment last Thursday. my platelets were down but not low enough to stop the treatment. Jane and Deborah were with me but I stayed awake so no green (or other color) toe nails.

I had questions that I wanted answered - well part of me wanted the answers and part did not. I wanted clarification as to the location of the cancer. I have two small spots on my liver, one in my lung and one in my neck. Then I cried. Jane and Deborah hugged me and gave me the comfort that I needed.

I was told that they don't know if I will live six weeks, six months, six years or what. In other words it's all in God's hands.

And, the pain that I have in my right side, is a fractured rib. I have had this bad cough and apparently I coughed so hard that I fractured my rib.

I will have two cycles (months) of chemo and then I will have another CT, then I will do two cycles again and have another CT. Then I guess we will see where we go from there.

Between my first chemo treatment and my second, I had a major, over the edge complete melt down. I sobbed loudly and cried out to the Lord. I haven't cried like that in a long time. One thing I did realize is that I am depressed and not getting any sleep at all. Well all of that has been rectified - I talked to my doctor and they provide medicine to help me sleep and calm down.

I have spent a lot of time in my bible searching and hungering for answers. I have found that God is loving, merciful, and has His arm around me, walking this journey with me. With the help of my friend, John, we have spent time talking and he has helped me to understand how much God loves me. I am His child, He has already fought the battle for me. I have faith that he will bring me through and heal me.

I sat on my deck this morning with the sun warming me and God and I just talked. What a beautiful creation we enjoy - the trees, flowers, ocean, etc. And, the sad part is, we take so much for granted. Don't let the world pass you by - be a participant and not a spectator. You will not regret it.

Have a blessed day.

From Donna

2008-03-07T19:49:00.000-08:00

This update is long over due. The last we spoke, I had concerns about some lumps on my right side. After going back and forth between my oncologist and surgeon, it was decided to do a biopsy and to run another CT. This was in November. I waited and prayed for the results. The news was good - the CT was clean and the biopsy showed a fat necrosis (fat cells had died and turned into hard little lumps). I was so relieved and grateful.

I have to back up to October because I walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. It was an uplifting and exhilarating experience. The weather was perfect and I had friends and family with me. My two daughters, Misty and Lisa, Jim, Debora, Susan, Bratton, and my friend Jeff flew in from Pittsburgh to support me. It was so awesome.

Sometime during the month of October I tore the meniscus in my knee. I went to physical therapy, took pills, did exercise to no avail. I finally had an MRI after about three months and found the damage. So surgery was scheduled for the end of January.

Between all this time, the holidays were approaching and we were busy, especially with having extra people in the house. I had a wonderful surprise though, my son John and his family drove from Washington state to have Christmas with us. I was so happy. It meant more people but there's nothing like family and we managed.

All too soon the holidays were over and we were entering a new year. I was working, doing my regular checkups, and preparing for my knee surgery on January 24th. During this time Jim came down with pneumonia and I never thought that he would get over it. It seems like right after I had my surgery I started to get sick. It started with a cough and just got worse. I went to my doctor, they x-rayed and I was told that I had bronchitis with underlying pneumonia, then I got a stomach virus and was vomiting all the time, next came laryngitis, and finally it seemed like everything just settled in my muscles.

During this time, my sister Gina came to visit and we spent a wonderful weekend together but I could tell that she was concerned about me. She is a doctor and I know it must be difficult to be sister and healer.

Finally on February 29th I went back to the doctor and told him that I just didn't feel like I was getting any better - I could not lay flat on my back because of the pain and I could not stand to have him touch my back with a stethoscope. He immediately set me up for a CT later that day. When I got home, I waited for the results fully expecting to be told that I had pneumonia. Unfortunately, that was not the news.

I was told that my cancer was back and that it was in my liver, lungs and lymph nodes. All I could say was what, what, what? I almost passed out from the news. I was admitted to the hospital that night for another CT. They were concerned about blood clots in the lungs. I had to wait until Saturday for the second CT and they found no blood clots.

Saturday night, Jim and a dear friend, Rich, wre with me when the oncologist came in to talk to me. He was not my regular doctor but was on call for the weekend. First strike against him, he thought that I was Jim's mother. OK, I know that I look like I was drug through a knot hole backwards but I didn't realize it was that bad. Gotta color my hair!

He told me what they had already confirmed but he told me too that there was hope. He said that he would tell me if there was nothing they could do but, there is a plan B, C, D etc. He told me that I could hang out in the hospital and rest or go home and see my regular oncologist on Monday. Rest in a hospital? Come on! No, I told him that I wanted to go home and spend time with my husband.

My mind was in turmoil, I was afraid, thinking crazy thoughts, feeling helpless and hopeless. I definitely needed an attitude adjustment. Of course for me, it was telling my family. I could not do all of it. Thank God for Jim. I did call my sister Gina, and needless to say, she was in shock. She had no words except of love and that's what I needed.

I called John and Jane and they immediately made arrangements to come stay with me. Jane went through chemo with me previously and was so much support to me. I am so thankful for their friendship and love.

Sunday I had visits and calls from friends. There was laughing and crying. The words that stick with me from Debora was in Mark 4:35-40. Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith? I can resist fear by putting my trust in God. When I feel like panicking, I can confess my need for God and then trust him to take care of me. I felt like I was pulling myself back from a deep, dark pit that was trying to devour me and I realized that it was the enemy trying to seed doubts into my mind. I will not let him win.

On Monday I went to see my oncologist, Dr. Holladay. The first thing he did was give me a big hug. He knew instinctively every thought I was having. He is so compassionate and I trust my life in his hands because I know that God works through him. He told me not to worry and that there is a lot of hope. There is so much that they can do for me. I did ask him if I had to make any life changing decisions with anything, including my job. He told me no that he wanted me to keep doing as I am doing and if we ever get to that point, he will let me know.

I was scheduled to have my port implanted on March 6th at 7:30 A.M. and to have my first treatment at 9:00 A.M. They will use two drugs and go in cycles while they monitor the tumors.

So, from Monday to Thursday I spent time talking to friends and family. John and Jane were there to comfort me. John and I stayed up late each night talking about God, reading the bible and praying. What I have come to realize in the past few days is that God has given me a gift. I know that He walks through this valley with me and that he will take me around, over and through it no matter what and heal me. This is my chance to once again witness to His love, mercy, healing and His Gloriousness. He won't give me more than I can handle - He has a greater purpose for me.

I think that after my first round of cancer when I felt strong, confident and competent that I may have drifted from God and forgot who it was that got me here. Well, maybe not forgot but lost sight of what is important. And, the fact is I need God. I cannot do this alone. I never want to lose sight of that again.

Thursday morning came and Jane took me for my surgery. It went well, although I was still a little groggy from the anesthesia. Deborah showed up and it was like old home week. I gotta tell you though that as soon as they hooked me up, I fell asleep, snoring up a storm. When I awoke, everybody (nurses, patients, my friends) were all laughing at me. It seems that while I was snoozing, they took it upon themselves to color my toenails green. Those girls - you gotta love em.'

I will have chemo every week - three weeks on, one week off. The second drug they are going to use has side effects - pray for me. So far, I have had not side affects with the first drug. I will let you know how it goes next week.

I want to share something with you before I close for tonight. It is Psalm 91:1-7

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I am trusting Him. For He will rescue you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with His feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day, nor dread the plague that stalks the darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at Midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.

This is a powerful promise of God's protection. I will not doubt that promise and I acknowledge my need for God. I am inviting Him into the center of my cancer.

I have always felt inadequate in someway when it came to praying. I have heard so many other people say it better, use the most beautiful words, and are always so eloquent. But what I know is that I may not be the best at anything but God knows my heart and sometimes the simplest, "I need you God" will suffice.

I love you all - God Bless.

From Donna

2007-09-06T20:12:00.000-07:00

My 12 year old grandson has an assignment in school to write about someone who inspires him. He asked if he could write about me and wanted to know my cancer story. So, he wrote his essay and I want to share it with you. I am so blessed to have him in my life.

My Inspiration
By
Anthony Woodward

My grandma’s name is Donna Davis. She is a breast cancer survivor, and she has faced this disease with bravery, a positive attitude, and a sense of humor. Even when she is not feeling well, she is always the first to help her family and others around her. She has a quiet strength that inspires me to know that even when things aren’t going my way, I can make it through anything with my own strength. She has also shown me that I can stand up for myself without being afraid.

Before my grandma found out for sure that she breast cancer, she knew it in her heart that something was wrong. Just before Christmas last year, she had to have surgery to remove the cancer. In the months after the surgery, she went through chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Instead of waiting for her hair to fall off from the chemotherapy, she decided to shave her head herself. She always tells me that bald is beautiful.

I asked my grandma how she was so brave, and she said that it was her faith in God. She said that God walks with her on her journey back to health. She is not afraid of cancer because she knows there are good doctors and medicine to make her well. My grandma was brave in sharing her story with others through her blog on the Internet. Her courage has enabled her to walk her journey with dignity.

From the moment that my grandma found out that she had cancer, she accepted it and decided that she would do whatever it took to cure the cancer. Even when she went through her treatments, which made her weak and were painful, she was always positive. She told me that because she kept a positive attitude, she felt that she made it through without being very sick or being depressed. Her family and friends, who supported her, helped her to keep her positive attitude. In my grandma’s blog, other people have made comments that her positive attitude has been an inspiration to them. My grandma says that when you keep a positive attitude you can get through anything.

My grandma has a lot of great qualities, but there is one that I would like to mention in particular. Grandma says that God has a sense of humor and that He definitely gave her one too because she could not have made it through without a sense of humor. She said that God helped her to laugh at herself and her condition, and to make jokes about it. There was a medicine that grandma took that made her stay awake 24/7, talk non-stop, and made her very hungry. She said that she really acted funny when she took these pills. I think she was loopy. With all that my grandma has gone through, she is happy and looks forward to many years of health and spending time with family and friends. She has inspired me to know that no matter how bad things seem or what may happen, there is always hope and a way to get through anything, with faith in God, and the love and support of those around you.

From Donna

2007-09-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

OK, so here I am with my lump still intact. Do you know how difficult it is to do nothing (and I said I would not do that)? My doctor looked at my last scan and she also had a pathologist look at it and she really felt that the lump is nothing to be concerned about. It is soft, which is a good thing. So for now, she just wants me to watch it and if it changes, let her know.

I do have a lot to tell y'all. Since my lump episode, I went on vacation to Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Yep, I'm a Yooper! It was great seeing my mom, brothers and sisters etc. Every time I hugged one of them, I had a melt down. You just never know if and when you will see them again.

My sister got remarried to her ex-husband - anything worth doing once is worth doing again. I am so happy for her. Tom is a great guy. I even did a little dancing at the reception. I caught up with old friends and reminisced.

I had lunch with Judy and Janis, two of my high school buds - Class of 66'. Here is a pic of the three of us.

On my list of things to do before I die (in about 50 years), I wanted to stay at the Holiday Inn that overlooks Munising Bay (Lake Superior). Yep, not a lot of high aspirations for me - the Holiday Inn will do! Anyway, the view from the balcony was absolutely beautiful. As you can see from the pic.

Isn't this an awesome view? One night I stayed up late - after midnight to watch the Perseid meteor shower. There were about 60 meteors per hour - the sky was pitch back, with a billion stars, and meteors flashing across my view.

Just goes to show you how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things.

I have got to share another fantastic photo "op" with you. I was out on the lake and took this pic of a family of eagles on Grand Island using my zoom lens.

I got back from vacation on August 16th and attempted to go back to work on the following Monday. I started coughing during the day and my throat was bothering me so I went to the doctor the next morning. They took x-rays and found out that I have bacterial pneumonia. I guess because my immune system was basically non-existent, it was easy for me to get sick and I probably got it on vacation. So for now I am home but hope to go back to work soon.

I did see my radiation oncologist today and I do have - guess what - another lump. It's kind of under the arm in the bend. It is a hard lump (not good) but again we are watching it. I admit it, I did break down and cry when she told me. I am due to see my surgeon soon and I am going to get his opinion on what I should do at this point.

My daughter, Misty and her family are now living here. They are staying with us until they can get on their feet and find a place to live. I must say that it is quite different having three kids in the house. Yes, I do freak out from time to time. After all, I have not had kids around in years and my house is just not "kid friendly". But, you know me, I have my rules and as I told the kids - I'm their worse nightmare! LOL

I do love my grandchildren and it is good to have them close.

So, that's it for now. God Bless.

From Donna...

2007-07-25T01:39:00.000-07:00

So, I was getting out of the shower this past Saturday, looked in the mirror and said, "What the hell is that?" Sorry for the cussing but it just came out when I saw a lump protruding from what is left of my chest. When your chest is a flat as mine, you just can't miss a bump, lump or whatever. I can tell you that it wasn't there last Friday. I just wanted to crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep for about 100 years.

Anyway, I talked to the Doctor today and she is going to go back and look at my CAT scan and have a pathologist look at it also. The bad thing is that radiation tends to make everything look suspicious so looking at my CAT scan may not help the doctor. At this point she cannot rule out cancer but she is leaning toward it NOT being cancer. There are several other possibilities. She thinks at this point they may just want to watch and monitor it or if it would give me a better comfort level, they could biopsy it. Now what do you think I am going to do? You can bet that I am going to get a biopsy, otherwise I know I will worry and I will think about it every time I feel the lump or look in a mirror.

Of course, you know with my chest being so flat, a bump may not be a bad thing. Every little bit helps! LOL

In my heart I know I am OK. God is with me and I know He won't give me more than I can handle and I know that He knows that I could not handle that right now.

The good news is that I only have two radiation treatments left. I am a little sore in the areas that have been treated and my skin is discolored and dry. The radiation has fatigued me. But, I am blessed. Everyday I'm alive is a good day.

I will update y'all when I know something for sure.

2007-06-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

I have now completed 10 radiation treatments, or two weeks worth, which leaves 23 more treatments. I feel good, except for a little tiredness. I will probably start to see more effects this week (slight burn to the skin). I am using a cream on my skin to keep it from drying and cracking.

I have had all kinds of pretty colors used to draw all over my chest - purple, green, blue - with Xs, lines, and stickers. The best part for my grandchildren is that they firmly believe that I have a treasure buried in my chest because "X" does mark the spot. My daughter tried to talk me into letting her take pictures of me during radiation. I told her nobody was going to get to see my road map. She did take some pics though which will be posted with this blog. My doctor, Dr. McDowell, is also in one of the pics.

Speaking of my grandchildren, they left last Thursday to go back to Chicago; but they will all move back here in August. My daughter found a studio in historic downtown Summerville and is already starting to grow her business.

Unfortunately, our photo sessions were rained out for the day that we had scheduled, but Misty is going to reschedule for August and still donate part of the proceeds to the Charleston Breast Center.

This week besides my five radiation appointments, I have three other doctor appointments. It's always something. I can actually see the hair on my head now. It's all fuzzy.

Take care y'all.

From Donna:

2007-06-08T12:51:00.001-07:00

It's about time for an update. As you all know, I finished chemo in April. Since that time I have had a lot of doctor appointments and preparation for radiation. I had a CT (May 18th) and everything looked good - praise God.

I also met with the doctor who will do my radiation. I will have 6 1/2 weeks of treatments - 5 days a week. The side effects are fatigue and a bad burn (like a sunburn). A permanent side effect is that the ribs on my right sight will be weakened, which means I could break a rib easier. Because of the area that is being treated, I had to have my life port removed, which I had done on June 1st. I was awake for the procedure but I was given something to take the edge off, so I didn't care.

I have had two more CTs since May to "mark" me for radiation treatments. It wasn't the most comfortable position for me. I had to lay with my arms above my head in brace-like devices for 30 - 45 minutes, with my head turned to the left, and I could not move. My chest looks like a road map, with purple and blue lines, x's and stickers.

I did go to the dentist and get a filling. After about the fourth time that I gagged, I told the dentist that it was pretty bad when I would rather get chemo than go to the dentist. He laughed and said, "Don't tell anyone that."

I have great news. My daughter, Misty, the one who keeps this blog up for me, and her family are moving to South Carolina. I am so excited! I will get to spend so much time with my three grandchildren. They will be here this weekend for two weeks vacation, go back to Chicago and move here in August.

While she is here, I asked her about taking a picture of me with a small group of women who have been with me through my journey with breast cancer and so she is going to do that picture, plus she is scheduling photo sessions at Sullivan's Island for anyone else who would like pictures, and part of the proceeds will be donated to the Charleston Breast Center. My only regret is that my daughter, Lisa cannot be here for the picture as she lives in Oregon.

So, I am ready to start the next step in my journey. Thank you all for your prayers and support.

From Donna..

2007-05-08T19:50:00.001-07:00

I graduated from chemo (literally) on April 19th. The nurses made me a graduation cap, they all signed it and then took my picture with them. My friend Debora brought me balloons and lunch, and of course, Jane was there. I am so glad that this part of the journey is over.

This month I will have a CT of my chest to make sure the cancer is gone, I will start radiation, and begin a cancer drug that I will be on for five years. The cancer drug has some side effects that do concern me but it's one day at a time and if this drug doesn't work, they have others to try on me. Anyway, my calendar is pretty much filled with appointments this month.

I did not have to have a shot the day after, which meant no steroids - yippee! I have been very tired but otherwise I feel pretty darn good.

I am going to start getting back into the swing of things by starting to work from home this month. Hopefully, I will get a release to go back to work in June.

My hair is starting to grow - it feels all fuzzy. I can't tell yet what color or texture it will be or if it will grow back thicker - that would definitely be OK by me.

I have gone to physical therapy for my right arm. I have had swelling and I am learning how to manage lymphedema. Things that I would normally do, like carrying a bag of groceries, or just doing chores around the house can cause my arm to swell. I don't like this but I have to accept it and learn to deal with it.

Well, that's all for now. God Bless.

From Donna on her last chemo treatment.

2007-04-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

Before I had my mastectomy in December, my daughter, Misty set up this blogspot for me and asked me to write some thoughts; and for my first blog I wrote some things that I know for sure. So, with my last chemo treatment looming in the very near future, I thought I would tell you what I now know for sure.

- Even though I know I said I could not do this anymore, I will have my last treatment - sometimes emotions just get the better of me.

- I know that I am not superwoman and no matter what I thought about how things were going to be in my life or how I thought I could control what was happening to me, I was wrong. It is what it is and it's definitely out of my hands.

- In the name of Jesus, I am healed. Thank you Anita for reminding me.

- There has been a small group of women: Misty, Lisa, Jane, Susan, Hope, Anita and Debora who have been there with me from the beginning of my journey. I am so blessed to have them all in my life and I thank God for them.

- As I complete this step in my journey with breast cancer, I know that by the grace of God go I and He will guide me and walk with me through the next step.

- I know what is important. I once told my boss that people on their death beds don't say that they wish they had spent more time at work. You have one family and it could all be gone in a moment - don't lose sight of what is important and always say I love you.

- I do know that I will have to get radiation treatments but I will cross that bridge in about a month. At least I will be off the steroids. So if I babble, I have no excuse.

- Writing this blog has been good for me and I plan to continue until.....

Donna

Another note from Donna

2007-04-12T19:20:00.000-07:00

I am finally starting to feel human again - of course, it's a week before chemo! Anyway, my husband has a new tattoo and I wanted to share a picture of it with you. The ribbon has my initials on it - wasn't that sweet?

Also, my daughter, Lisa sent me flowers this week and I told her that I would put a picture of them on my blog so that she could see what they look like. What a nice surprise.

I will update everyone just before I go in for my final treatment. Take Care.

From Donna...

2007-04-06T13:57:00.001-07:00

Just a quick update to let you all know what I did last night. So, I was looking for something to do and found a few things to occupy my time. I made a sandwich for Jim's lunch, washed a few dishes, got back online and printed out several recipes from FoodTV - love those chefs, made some organic popcorn (YUCK), and watched a Steve Martin movie. Jim got up at 4:00 A.M. and asked me if I had made it to bed at all. So, I decided to go to bed. I was still awake at 5:00 A.M. but fell in and out of sleep somewhere during 5 and 6 and slept like that until about 9:30 A.M. So, I have been in my pjs all day doing other stuff and napping (or trying to) from time to time.

Have a Blessed Easter.

Donna

Another note from Donna

2007-04-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

It's been suggested that I provide more information in my blog regarding my experiences with chemo. It's not that I haven't been honest but I probably do hold back on some things - was saving it for the book! ;)

And, since I am starting to feel better from my last go-around, this is your lucky day. All you inquiring minds who really want to know the truth - here goes. But, let me tell ya', you are all sick!

-Ok, I hate chemo even though I get a snoopy or bugs bunny band aid on my port after treatment. After the last treatment I sat in my living room, knowing full well that I have one more treatment, telling my husband, "I can't do this anymore." It's not pleasant, I do not look forward to diarrhea, weakness, killer heartburn, the incredible painful sensitiveness all over my body, especially in the area of my mastectomy scars, the feeling of uselessness during the "after effects" time, etc. etc. etc. The good news is no projectile vomiting (other than words) and no constipation - Yippee.

-And, yes I do think about dying. I can't help it, it is what it is.

-Then just when I start feeling better (about six days later), I start three days of steroids, which I also hate. Steroids are NOT my friend. How do athletes take those things? Maybe if they were building muscle or toning my arms - nah, I still wouldn't like them. I know that they help with the bone pain but they also increase my sugar level (Type II Diabetic), keep me awake (sleeping pills don't help), and they make me a babbling idiot for 3 - 5 days; like right now as I am on my second day. Picture a "flat, bald, crazy woman projectile vomiting about 50,000 words per minute. Here's an example. One Friday night Jim got home from work and I never shut up from the time he hit the front door until I got a little upset because I was not getting the response that I expected (this is about two hours later). He finally told me that he was just tired and it was just too much information coming at him at one time. Go figure!

-The good news is that I have not become anemic. I continue to hold my own thanks to Neulasta shots and incorporating more fish and other protein into my diet. Speaking of diet; I have hovered between a 15 - 20 pound weight loss - I lose weight right after chemo and gain back some weight the week before chemo because I feel so good. And, yes I do have a slight metallic taste in my mouth after treatment but it seems to lessen during my three week intervals.

-But, let's talk about the sores in my mouth - another side effect. My mouth bleeds from the sores in the back of my mouth and my teeth hurt. I wake up some mornings with the taste of blood and spitting blood. I who dislike the dentist almost as much as chemo am actually looking forward to seeing the dentist when this is over.

-I have had some swelling in my right arm. It was my fault. I know that I have to be careful because I am at risk for lymphedema. I decided to throw a ball for my dog and after throwing it several times I felt a pulling in my arm. The swelling was not major but it was uncomfortable. My doctor says that I have to be patient and that it's not yet time to strengthen my arms but, to keep doing my range of motion exercises.

-Prescriptions - I have an 8 X 10 sheet of paper listing all the medications that I take. I cannot wait until I am done with my last treatment so I can gather them all up and do whatever. Some of the side effects from these drugs are very bothersome. Enough said about that!

-I think what frustrates me the most is that the spirit is willing but the flesh ain't able. I have laid in bed or on the couch knowing that I should pay the bills, check emails, or just make a sandwich and I just can't do it because my body is weak and I just don't care. I have always been able to take care of myself and for once I have encountered something that I have no control over and I have to depend on others for my care, yes, even my survival - from the doctors, to my family, to my friends, and yes, even strangers. I am humbled by the compassion, love, support and prayers that I have received from everyone.

-Well, I am rambling (gotta love those steroids - NOT) although it is 1:00 A.M. in the morning. I hope that you have experienced a little more of my journey. I do not intentionally hold back - I am the type of person who just "deals with it" and goes on and I don't always commit everything to print. Nothing Like Spilling Your Guts! :)

I'm finished for now but I'm still wide awake. Have to find something to do - but what? I'll let you know later what I did. See ya!

From Donna...

2007-03-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well, here it is, the long awaited "bald shot'" I told y'all I looked cute bald!

Between my last treatment and now, my sister, Angela came to visit. I told her to come the week before chemo because that's when I feel my best. We had such a great time. You know that she is my baby sister. When she came along, I was grown up and getting ready to get married so I really didn't know her. We spent one day in our pjs just talking all day - what fun. It was a day of talk, FoodTV, catching up, and just being sisters. She and my dog, cocoa are now best friends. The time was so short with her. It seems like she just got here and she was gone. I really miss her and our time together was precious - it really gave me a chance to get to know her.

When we took her to the airport and we were waiting to go through baggage check, who was also standing in line but Laura Bennett off of Project Runway. Angela saw her and of course, you all know me, I walked up and introduced myself and then we proceeded to tell her what fans we are and how we had rooted for her during the competition. In case you are scratching your heads wondering what the heck I am talking about, Project Runway is a competition for clothing designers to become Top Designer and start their own label.

I have included a couple pictures for the blog from my sister's visit and a picture of me and my honey.

I had my fifth treatment yesterday and it went well. I snored through part of it. LOL Only one more to go, then I will take another step in the journey. Those decisions are yet to come. I know that I have said this before but I am so blessed to have been put into the hands of Dr. Hollady. He has made the correct decisions in my treatment and he is so supportive and compassionate. And, to top it off he has a great sense of humor. Thank you God for this wonderful man.

Needless to say I am looking forward to moving on after chemo and I am excited about what the future holds for me. I know that I will be forever involved in breast cancer awareness and that new opportunities await me.

Take Care and God Bless until next time.

2007-03-16T17:52:00.001-07:00

I had a great visit with my friend, Susan today. She stayed about five hours and we laughed, cried, and talked about so many things. It was uplifting and I am so grateful that she is my friend.

I started going through some of my old stuff that I have written and came across this poem that I would like to share with you. I wrote it in 1987 after I went back home to Michigan. As I get closer to another step in the completion of my journey with breast cancer, I think that this poem is relative to my own rebirth, not only in spirit but in my own capacity as a human being, a woman and a survivor.

Enjoy!
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.
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Rebirth

The end of my journey, my last night home,
Above the black of night shines ebony.
Sparkling jewels cling to the darkened dome
A restless spirit quiets within me.

A whisper washes against the white sand,
The touch of His presence brushes my face.
Soft curtains of color dance over land,
The spirit within me calls to this place.

How wide the expanse of the universe,
And, I am a moment a cosmic wink.
My search is certain, but the path diverse
My spirit in time will sustain the link.

As I walk forward and look straight ahead,
I know in my soul my spirit is fed.

2007-03-13T23:55:00.001-07:00

Well, it's four down and two to go and I gotta tell you, it doesn't get any easier. In this last treatment the (ugly) red medicine was given to me in a more concentrated form and really made me feel weird. I got a headache, a hot flash, dizzy and nauseated, all in about 30 seconds - not fun. I have been very weak, tired and diarrhea everyday, all day (sorry).

Sometimes when I am awake late at night (like I am tonight) I know that I think thoughts that I should not. I do think about having cancer. There is so much more that I want to do; I am not ready to leave yet. Life is short and we should live each day to the fullest and like there is no tomorrow. Sorry, I don't mean to be morbid but I have days that are great and I have my not so good days. And, I don't mean to complain because I am alive and God is good. On the other side of these late night thoughts, I dream about eating my way through Italy when this is all over. I really think that I am obsessed with food - probably because it all tastes alike and I don't eat too much of it.

You know many of my friends have said that I am an inspiration but I'm not. I'm just one of the, one out of eight women who gets breast cancer, prays that the surgeon got it all, prays that chemo kills any stray cells, and prays to be a survivor. I am not special; I have many "sisters" in my journey.

Speaking of sisters, my sister, Angela is coming to see me next week and I am so excited. We will get to spend some quality time together. She is a Christian singer/songwriter. If anyone is an inspiration, it's Angela. She has lifted me up more than once during these recent times.

I really miss all my friends at work. You don't realize it but the people you work with become an extended family. We see our co-workers more than we see our own families. So, if anyone from work reads this, know that I do miss you all and look forward to getting back.

I know that I said that I would post a "bald" picture and I will. Be patient. Until next time, God bless.

2007-02-28T23:23:00.001-08:00

I met with a Diabetes Educator today. Since I am a type II diabetic, have not been exactly eating right, and I am on steroids (which messes with my sugar), and because food is not my favorite subject right now, my oncologist thought that I could use a little help.

The good news is I really don't have to worry about what I eat right now as long as I eat. So I eat what I can tolerate. Being on chemo, I should be eating high protein and increasing my caloric intake but that does not always work especially when nothing sounds or tastes good.

I did find out that all those cooking shows that I have been watching on Food TV have paid off. I have learned a lot - thanks to Emeril, Rachel Ray, Giada and others. I have started to incorporate a healthier eating style when I do feel well enough to eat, which is usually the week before chemo. I am a real label reader, I use fresh herbs, tons of garlic and have added more fish to my diet. But, I gotta tell y'all, I love my pasta. So, I have switched to a high protein pasta which tastes really good. When this is all over and I can eat again, I will be ready. Or, I might go crazy and OD on chocolate!

Seriously, this is a life style change for me. Cancer was a wake up call. I know that I have to exercise (yuck) and eat right. My goal is to get off the diabetic medicine and control my diabetes with diet and exercise, and to live another 30 years or so. Before I can get breast reconstruction, my doctor wants me to lose 40 pounds. When I succeed, I will probably go off several of my medications that are weight driven. I can remember when I could eat anything, weigh 110 pounds and never worry about gaining - the good old days - before I hit 40. I know that I will never see 110 pounds again, except in my dreams, but that's OK. 140 sounds just right to me.

2007-02-27T20:42:00.001-08:00

OK, since the last time I wrote, I had my third chemo treatment. My usual buddy, Jane, was not well so her husband, my dear friend went to chemo with me. Now John is not Jane but he is a great guy and like a brother to me - we fight all the time! He stayed with me and only left a few times to take phone calls.

My heart went out to a woman who was also going through chemo. Her right arm was so swollen and she was in such pain - all I could do was lower my head and pray for her. Of course, John, went over to her and talked to her trying to give her comfort - but that's John. He has so much compassion for his fellow man.

Well, for some reason the steroids kicked in and I did not sleep for about 48 hours. I was definitely weaker and more tired this time around. I was in bed from the Friday after my chemo until the following Thursday - I could not function; all I wanted to do was sleep. The bad part was, I did not eat that much because it was too much of an effort to fix myself anything. And, what I did eat went right through me. When I finally felt well enough to eat, I ate too much and made myself sick. I was very close to being anemic last time and I was told that I would be by my next treatment. Yippee, I can hardly wait. :(

Anyway, I am over all that and actually feeling better. Of course, it's a week before my next treatment so naturally I feel good.

I will try and get more pictures taken for the blog - even a bald one. Hey, on me bald is cute!

2007-02-14T14:01:00.000-08:00

First, I apologize for the length of time between updates. I will try and do better in the future. I had my first chemo treatment on January 4th. I must say that I was apprehensive not knowing what to expect. Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate needles and the thought of having a needle the size of a spike (just kidding) stuck in my chest was causing me some anxious moments. Let me tell you, I would rather have a needle in the same place (port) than to have them searching for a vein every time. It really wasn't bad at all - a slight stick and I was all ready to go.

I have to tell you that Dr. Holladay, my oncologist, is such a sweetheart and has so much compassion. I feel like I am in the best hands with my treatments. And, that goes for the rest of his staff; what wonderful, caring people.

Anyway, they took me into this large room filled with recliners and a view of a pond with a fountain. There should be some pictures in my blog of my first treatment. Well, they got me all hooked up and started me with an antibiotic, anti-nausea, and a steroid. Then came the three chemo medicines. The infusion took about four hours and I don't know why, but I kept waiting for something to happen - what I don't know. I think my biggest fear was I would start projectile vomiting or something.

Actually, I felt pretty good after the treatment - too good. I started thinking that steroids are my friend. Now I know why athletes take them. I was superwoman for about 48 hours - could not sleep, and I think I could have dismantled my house and put it back together again. One thing steroids do is mess with your sugar and mine went sky high. When I came down, I came down hard - steroids are not my friend.

I went back the second day to get a shot to make my body produce marrow so my white blood cell count would not drop. Side effects can start anywhere from 10 hours to seven days after; mine started 7 days after with the most intense bone pain and lasted two days.

I did have some nausea - no vomiting (Thank You God), everything I ate went through me (I have lost 19 pounds), and heart burn is a constant. I have found that I cannot eat burritos (LOL) even though they were good going down, tomatoes and peanut butter give me serious heart burn. I dream about food and watch food TV - I know all the chef's and have most of their recipes because someday I will be able to eat again.

Twelve days after my first treatment I noticed hair in my comb and the thirteenth day I watched as hair came out in handfuls and went down the shower drain. So, on the fourteenth day I went to see my hairdresser and had her buzz me. Now I'm flat, bald and hungry all the time. But, I don't worry about bad hair days.

My second chemo treatment I expected the same pattern. Imagine my surprise when I wasn't superwoman. In fact, I asked the doctor if they forgot to give me the steroid. Apparently, once the chemo builds up in your system the steroid doesn't react the same.

One thing I have noticed is that I am more tired this time around. Half way through this last 21 day interval, I was sitting by myself late one night and I just wanted to be with my mom. Sometimes, only a mom can understand and make you feel better. I cried because I just wanted her to hold me and tell me it was OK.

Guess what? I got this cute wig and boobs! They (boobs) feel like the real thing and will do me until I have the breast reconstruction. Do you know how nice it is at the end of the day to take off your hair and your boobs?

Anyway, life goes on and I try to make the best of this and know in my heart that I will come through - but for the grace of God go I.

I think that anyone who has cancer, walks the journey a little differently. For myself, I try to stay positive, to see the humor in the whole situation and keep my faith in God. One last thing, you all have touched my heart as no one else could with your prayers, support, and just listening to me when I need to babble. Thank you and I love you all.

2006-12-31T21:28:00.000-08:00

It's New Year's Eve, Jim is working, so it will be me and our dog, cocoa seeing in the New Year together. I just had my dinner - Lean Cuisine three cheese lasagna - Yum! How can something that sounds that good, taste so blah?

I feel like talking so I may just ramble for awhile. I had my port installed the Friday before Christmas. I guess I was weepy because it brings the cancer to reality (as if losing my breasts wasn't real). Anyway, I think I was more concerned with the port than I was the mastectomy - go figure. The outpatient surgery took about an hour and once they checked it to make sure it was in place, I was released to go home.

They call it a "life port" - I was thinking about that. Through the port I will get three medications on 21 day intervals that will destroy any cancer cells and give me back my life. Any blood work can be done through the port (no more looking for veins - Thank You God) which will keep track of white blood cells and who knows what else, which is a life saver.

I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and I look like a road map with a little bit of cleavage and I'm not completely flat. LOL I told Jim that I look like the Grinch. Think about it - he's flat on top and kind of goes out like a pear at the bottom - that's me. He said that he didn't love me for my boobs but for the person that I am. He's definitely a keeper.

It seems like everyone is concerned about my emotional well being, how I am dealing with a mastectomy and having cancer. As I told my friend, Hope, last night, when I found out that I had breast cancer, I did a lot of thinking. My first thought was if the doctor tells me I need a mastectomy, he's taking both because I don't want to do this again in two years. I wasn't being brave; I just don't think that I could do this again. As it turns out, it was the right decision. I feel that I accepted the fact that I have cancer. It is what it is, it's not going to be what I want it to be, and it's all in God's hands. Emotionally, I have my moments - like the night I could not sleep and laid there just thinking of all kinds of stupid stuff that I cannot do anything about and crying. The one thing that I will do is keep a positive attitude - with all the love, support and prayers from friends and family, how could I be anything but positive? I can only take one day at a time and put my faith and trust in the Lord.

I think I may have said this before but, the thing I hate most about having cancer is the feeling of complete helplessness that I have had since my surgery. I am not the type of person who likes to be taken care of, when I am sick, leave me alone and I will get better. Not so this time. I have been bathed, dressed, bandages changed, and sapped of my strength. The people closest to me have seen me "naked" and I don't mean that in the literal sense, although it is also true. As I have started to feel better in the past month, I try to do things and usually overdo so that weakness would take over and I would feel exhausted. I just want to feel like my old self, and I will - in time.

You know Mom's are supposed to be strong for their children; you hold them when they are hurt, kiss away their tears, and in general, you are super mom and nothing can harm you. I would never have thought that one of my children would have to take care of me and see me so helpless. Lisa, my lovely daughter, I love you more than I can say. Having you here with me this past month has been a blessing from God. I am so grateful and thankful that you have been here to nurse me, hold me when I cry, talk to me, and yes, even clean out all the closets and organize me, right down to the list of doctors, numbers, medications and other instructions that are taped to the inside of the cabinet door. When you left to go home yesterday, I felt like my heart left with you; I feel such an immense sadness now that you are gone. I know that we became closer while you were here and I missed you before you left. You know the commercials on TV with the list they run through of what things cost? I can tell you that a month with my daughter was priceless.

Misty and John, I love you both very much. John, I was so touched by what you did and you are still the wind beneath my wings. Misty, thank you for setting up this blog - I could have never done it myself and I know that you would have been here if you could.

Jane you are an angel. Having you with me the first night of my surgery gave me comfort and all the days since that time, you have been here to help me and support me. Words cannot begin to express my gratitude and love, my friend.

I did have a wonderful Christmas. I attended Christmas Eve service with Jim and Lisa, and it was so uplifting. I saw friends, talked with my pastor and celebrated the birth of Jesus and just being alive.

As I said in the beginning, this is New Year's Eve. The year ahead holds more steps in my journey with breast cancer, but the future is bright and promising. I'm going to be OK.

May you all have a Happy and Blessed New Year!

From Donna...

2006-12-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone! Well, I have begun my journey, in fact I am two weeks into my journey. When I first found out that I had breast cancer, a lot of my time was spent going to doctor appointments, phone calls and a myriad of other "pink" things. I decided to keep a notebook so I could keep myself straight with phone numbers, appointments etc. What I find as I go through my notebook is that "life" has a way of creeping into whatever you do, no matter what you plan.

In my notebook I have doctors names, phone numbers, appointments, directions to get there from here, a list of my friends, family and others who pray for and support me. But, darn I also have a To Do list before surgery, a grocery list, a Christmas shopping list, a menu, window measurements, a summary of a phone conversation with my boss to go over projects, a partial Christmas card list (sorry to those that I did not get cards mailed to), oops another To Do list, an email for Tech Support for my mortgage service, a list of gifts from well wishers, and my Pink poem. I am surprised there's not a partridge in a pear tree.

But it shows life goes on and I continue to do as I do. And this is my most favorite time of the year. It seems like this time of the year there is so much love and good spirit in the air. And, you can forget Happy Holidays, for me it's Merry Christmas (no disrespect intended to anyone) but it is a Christian holiday and I am a Christian. He is the reason for the season and I love celebrating His birthday.

I am healing and yes, I am sore. Last week I went shopping and rode on one of those little motorized vehicles that you see in the stores. I got pretty good on it, zipping around the aisles, although I did pay for having my arms up for several hours. That's why they make heating pads.

I have been overwhelmed by the gifts, prayers, and support from everyone. Please continue praying for me as this was just the first step in my journey. Tomorrow I take the second step. I will have out-patient surgery in the morning to implant the port for chemo. My first treatment is January 4th. For some reason I was depressed and weepy today about going in tomorrow - I don't know why. I know that God will be there with me and bring me through just like He did two weeks ago.

I gotta tell you one of the benefits of this adventure is that my lovely daughter Lisa from Oregon took FMLA and is staying with me for a month to take care of me. While she is here she is organizing my act. She has gone through 4 closets (painful) and I finally let go of so much stuff. We had boxes and bags that we donated with just about everything you could imagine. She also rearranged my kitchen cabinets - can't find anything now. Thank God for this wonderful women. I love you Lisa.

Hopefully, I will talk to you all again soon. Bless You All.

2006-12-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

Well, I am feeling much better - had a couple of rough nights, mostly being uncomfortable from the four drain tubes sticking out of my body. I'll be glad when they are gone. I want to thank everyone for your prayers and support as I have started my journey with breast cancer.

I continue to grow stronger each day and I will be back to work before you know it. Did I just say that??? It's the drugs. LOL.

Take care.

Donna

2006-12-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

Pink...

Toes
Dresses
Bows in pony tails

Pink...

Dolls
Birthday cake
Corsages for dances

Pink...

Cotton candy
Flowers
Gowns for weddings

Pink...

Booties
Teddy bears
Sunsets to enjoy

A pink ribbon becomes mine.
But, I also have red for love
From my Lord, my family, my friends.

~Donna

2006-12-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

John sent me some pictures last night of some "before" stuff that was going on at the hospital. All her friends and family that were there for her surgery. Got a great bunch there!

Talked with mom

2006-12-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

Just got off the phone with my mom who was feeling quite good in all her morphine glory. :) First thing she said to me was "well, Im flat as a board now." Leave it to mom to crack jokes. She sounded groggy but in good spirits. She is an amazing woman. I don't think I would handle this as well as she has.

Surgery is all finished

2006-12-06T17:15:00.000-08:00

Talked to my dad this evening and he said everything with the mastectomy surgery went really well. Both sides are now done and mom is in recovery. He said the doctors said things went really well and they feel like they got got everything out.

I knew she would be ok!

Surgery Happening Right Now

2006-12-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

Got an update that my mom is in surgery and doing well. Doctors have said they have one side completed of the mastectomy and are about to start on the other wise. Keep praying guys she is doing great!

A note from Donna...

2006-12-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

Well, as you all know, I have breast cancer and tomorrow is the big day for my surgery. It has been a very emotional month for me; finding out I have breast cancer, then going through a bone scan and CAT scan and the uncertainty that comes with the big "C".

This is what I know for sure:

This is a journey and God will see me through it
I have a wonderful supportive husband who loves me unconditionally - even without boobs!
I have support and love from my family and friends who are all praying for me
The bone scan and CAT scan were clean - Thank You God
My perspective about life has definitely changed - for the better
I had the most awesome prayer time with my pastor today and I am at peace

So now I will take another step into my journey with breast cancer and tomorrow I will be "Flat As A Board" - I think Boobs are so over-rated anyway!

God Bless Y'all

2006-12-05T22:03:00.000-08:00

My mom is one of the most incredible ladies I have ever known. Ok, so maybe I am a bit biased but who wouldn't be. She's my mom! She has been through so much in her life and has been a model to me for making it through anything even when life slaps you in the face. She has always been there for me, emotionally, physically and at times, financially. If ever anyone deserves happiness and health it is my mom. She has raised 3 children who are all their own unique person, but have the same heart. That comes from my mom.

A lot of my life, my mom was the one who took care of us and of course as children, we don't always express that appreciation but I hope she knows just how much I appreciate everything she did for me growing up. I know sometimes I was a handful, ok maybe two handfuls, but my mom and I, were always close. She always looked out for me and worried about me.

Now it is my turn to be worried for her and look out for her. A few weeks ago my mom called me and told me she was going to the doctor again after having a mamogram and seeing a mass. I have to be honest and admit, I didn't think it was a big deal. She had this happen before and after a biopsy it turned out to be nothing. I was thinking this would be the same case. But it wasn't. A few days later, she called to tell me she had breast cancer.

It's been a hard few past weeks after all of this came down on my family. There has been crying, guilt and even some arguments. And every day I worry about her. Every day, I wonder what would my life be like without her around. I can't imagine it. I need to be able to call my mom when my husband makes me mad or when the kids are driving me crazy. I need her there to complain that I am putting on a little weight and she's worried about my health. I need her there to nag me to quit smoking. I need her there to play go-between for me and my sister. I need her there to call my kids at Christmas time and play Mrs. Clause. NO. My mom isn't going anywhere. She will beat cancer. No she will kick it's ass!

That is why I started this blog. For my mom. So that I can share with you my own feelings about her and cancer and so that she can share with the world her triumphs. She will be sending me her own posts to this blog so please show your support by replying with comments.

Tomorrow my mom is having a double mastectomy, the first of many steps in her journey of survival. Please keep her in your prayers.